Aspects of living with a disability part 18 - Abled to disabled

 Now this one might flow a little easier for me so it should have a good chunk of information for you to digest.

Abled to disabled, well depending on what way you look at the saying, it could be the fact that there are more disadvantages to being disabled than there are advantages, but most of the time its how you choose to look at these disadvantages which could empower you or destroy you. For example, for me right now I'm struggling in a multitude of ways but you will very rarely hear me complain about it, and if I do, it's not because I want to, it's usually because I'm hitting my breaking point. The last 2 and a half 3 years have not been an easy time for me as I've gone through a different number of carers many times and had several different people come in and out of the house, it's been very unsettling for me and my family. Another disadvantage to being disabled is that you have to manage your team of support people which I will pay respect to this in another blog I will do or one I have previously done, I will have to check that. Currently, I have a team of about 15 carers, and the one thing I find the hardest at the moment is that my roster has to work around their Uni schedules, now I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but it just makes it very tedious when you're trying to get people to cover shifts. An advantage of being in a wheelchair is the fact that you usually get to skip really big lines, and that usually involves most or cam be all of the people with you so they're usually the ones giving you thanks at the end of the day because they got somewhere quicker, which yes I will agree at times that can be useful, but sometimes I feel this is used a little bit too much, so then it becomes an abused advantage. Currently, at this point in my life, I don't have many friends that I can count on outside of my carers, which can be sad at times because the thing is I can make friends, but for some reason most of the time I just cant keep them. And then it starts to get to a point where you wonder what you might be doing wrong or is it coming from the aspect of the other person? Some of the time it comes from the other person and some of the time it comes from you, but the only thing that can teach you this is time, and how long it takes you to grieve those people. Now I'm not saying this with any certain person in mind because in the last two and a half to three years, I've lost about 5 carers which is extremely emotionally draining but there is a negative and a positive way to look at this emotional draining. The negative way is you could be down all the time and irritable, not wanting to get along with anyone, or the positive way is you choose to get up out of bed in the morning and fight for your happiness. Am I happy right now? Well, I would say I would be somewhere in between because my worlds are torn; my body might be in my house, but my heart is in another place without haste. Atop stairs that go down from a wooden gate, I hope I'm not too late, for my friend's sake, I wish I could go dancing around the lake. And with that I will have to leave you with haste, to go and feed my furry mate.

Thank you,

Stephanie.